your thong is hanging out like whoa
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
