Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
