we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
