My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
