dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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