i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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