If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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