Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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