Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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