Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
