There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
