I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
