I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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