The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
