I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
