so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My ass is underappreciated
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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