if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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