I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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