Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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