He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
