been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize