Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You smell like stripper and shame
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
