from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
