Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
