She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
