One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
