see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
