sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
