Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
