I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
