i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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