You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
