i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
