Who did Billy Mays play for?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
