i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
