He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
