dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize