i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
