Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
