Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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