I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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