**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
