i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
