I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
