every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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