Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
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