You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
