I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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