note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
