I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
