3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize