I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
