the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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