we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
