dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
