The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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