this boner is exhausting
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
this hospital has no fireball
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
