new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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