you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
