That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
