i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
