you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
