I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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