You can't special order awesome
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
