he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
