when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my sisters under your porch take her home
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
