State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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