a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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