My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
